Casino & gambling riddles
Jokes have a laugh Movies best Casino movies Famous Gamblers some great stories and legends Facts and Records interesting casino trivia Gambling Quotes also proverbs and sayings Casino Domain Names Buy Casino Names Buy This Name Contact Us Casinos.Net Home. Love is gambling, not with money but with your heart. You can always get money back, but you might not get your heart back. If it weren't for the drug use, degenerate gambling, and drinking I would be a great catch. Lets find some gambling jokes and puns. Most of these would fall under the category of 'dad jokes'. This means that they're the type of sad and lame jokes your dad might find amusing. If he went total retard. But would just make any normal person cringe with embarrassment and shame. Card Jokes and Puns. Casino puns and gambling jokes are making the whole world a wonderful. Casino players will be better than politics 'What's the difference between casino players and politicians? – Casino players sometimes tell the truth.' Guys with nothing left to lose tend not to bluff in poker. They stand to gain the most out of this with card jokes.
Solving riddles can be as rewarding as a winning hand of blackjack with the basic strategy. We've decided to take a look at some of the most common riddles about gambling and casinos and detail the answers below. See if you can figure them out before reading the answers – then you can take them to the tables yourself and distract your fellow players as they try to crack them. Or check out the best online casinos for Australians.
The casino players
Riddle: There are four men who sit at a casino all night long and play until the crack of dawn. They are there for money instead of fun with a separate score for every one.
When it is time to square the accounts, they each make fair amounts. No one lost, and all gain – can you you explain?
Answer: Each man is a musician for the casino's entertainment.
A mysterious gambling association
Riddle: A large group, each with a different face – regularly in smaller groups of four with identity as your case.
The first group will bring a desire of wealth – to steal though is tough and requires stealth.
The second group distract you and lead your mind astray, but don't let this happen or your life will pay.
The third group can be utilised to take a life, without even using a gun or a knife.
The final group can be used to hide a man who just happened to have died.
Now if you were paying attention, what is this mysterious association we mentioned?
Answer: A pack of cards – each clue describes the four suits of a deck.
- First group – Diamonds, as they make you wealthy but are very hard to steal
- Second group – Hearts, as they can lead you astray
- Third group – Clubs, these are weapons which can be used to kill people
- Fourth group – Spades, which can be used to cover up a murder by burying a body
Heads or tails
Riddle: A gambler has three coins in his hand – the first is a regular coin, the second has two heads, and the third has two tails. The gambler picks a coin at random, flips it, and the result is heads.
What is the likelihood the other side is tails?
Answer: Since there are three heads and only one has a tails on the other side the likelihood is one in three – more of a mathematical problem than a riddle but fun to crack nevertheless.
First to gamble with dice
Riddle: Who were the first people to play with a pair or dice?
Solution: Adam and Eve in Pairadice.
A BlackJack
Riddle: A man visited a local land-based casino and on his first hand he managed to get a blackjack, while the next hand he lost. He then got another hand with a blackjack and the next hand he lost again. He ended up leaving the casino having lost every single hand and with no winnings at all – how is this possible?
Answer: The first hand featured a Jack of Spades and his third hand featured a Jack of Spades, both of which are black Jacks.
A classic riddle for a classic casino game
Riddle:
The game is nice if you see pictures thrice. It bears fruit of trees, sometimes in threes. It is just an arms length in front of you, what is the game?
Answer: A pokies machine.
A simple riddle but a risky wager
Answer: Each man is a musician for the casino's entertainment.
A mysterious gambling association
Riddle: A large group, each with a different face – regularly in smaller groups of four with identity as your case.
The first group will bring a desire of wealth – to steal though is tough and requires stealth.
The second group distract you and lead your mind astray, but don't let this happen or your life will pay.
The third group can be utilised to take a life, without even using a gun or a knife.
The final group can be used to hide a man who just happened to have died.
Now if you were paying attention, what is this mysterious association we mentioned?
Answer: A pack of cards – each clue describes the four suits of a deck.
- First group – Diamonds, as they make you wealthy but are very hard to steal
- Second group – Hearts, as they can lead you astray
- Third group – Clubs, these are weapons which can be used to kill people
- Fourth group – Spades, which can be used to cover up a murder by burying a body
Heads or tails
Riddle: A gambler has three coins in his hand – the first is a regular coin, the second has two heads, and the third has two tails. The gambler picks a coin at random, flips it, and the result is heads.
What is the likelihood the other side is tails?
Answer: Since there are three heads and only one has a tails on the other side the likelihood is one in three – more of a mathematical problem than a riddle but fun to crack nevertheless.
First to gamble with dice
Riddle: Who were the first people to play with a pair or dice?
Solution: Adam and Eve in Pairadice.
A BlackJack
Riddle: A man visited a local land-based casino and on his first hand he managed to get a blackjack, while the next hand he lost. He then got another hand with a blackjack and the next hand he lost again. He ended up leaving the casino having lost every single hand and with no winnings at all – how is this possible?
Answer: The first hand featured a Jack of Spades and his third hand featured a Jack of Spades, both of which are black Jacks.
A classic riddle for a classic casino game
Riddle:
The game is nice if you see pictures thrice. It bears fruit of trees, sometimes in threes. It is just an arms length in front of you, what is the game?
Answer: A pokies machine.
A simple riddle but a risky wager
Riddle: What does this say? Or nothing. Or nothing
Answer: Double or nothing.
Poker face
Riddle: What is the weakest hand in a game of Texas Hold'em, which you can have but still end on the river with a guarantee of victory?
Answer: Three Queens. For example, if you hold a Queen of Hearts and a Queen of Diamonds, and the board is showing Queen of Diamonds, Jack of Diamonds, seven of Clubs, four of Clubs, and two of Hearts, you can't be beat. A straight or flush isn't possible and no rank is higher than your Queens to allow someone to hold a better three of a kind.
Gambling Jokes Funny
The identical pokies
Riddle: A man owns a small casino with 50 pokies, each identical in appearance and the way they function. They all have the same return to player percentage. However, when the man goes to check the pokies at the end of the day there's one machine which has 25% more in winnings than the others. What is different about this pokie compared to the others?
Answer: Nothing – it ultimately comes down to the human factor and that more people must be playing it and losing.
The Best Poker Jokes and Funny Poker QuotesPoker Jokes and Quotes assembled by NoLuckNeeded.com.
Scroll to the bottom of the page for funny poker picture jokes and memes.
Please reply to this post if you have a joke that should be added.
If you like gambling jokes, check out NoLuckNeeded's huge list of The Best Poker Gambling Jokes & Quotes
What is the difference between Phil Hellmuth and a dog?
The dog will eventually stop whining.
What is the difference between a Phil Hellmuth and God?
God doesn't think He's a Phil Hellmuth.
What's the difference between a poker player and a dog? In about ten years, the dog quits whining.
Why is 'a man' like a deck of cards? Because you need a heart to love him, a diamond to marry him, a club to smash his head in, and a spade to bury the bastard.
Nice hand, sir.. and by hand I mean catch.. and by sir I mean dumbass.
If you're a guy, you know you play too much Poker if your dreams involve nuts instead of breasts.
- Unknown Player
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol, and wild women. The other half I wasted.
- W.C. Fields
Q: What are a Man's three favorite games?
A. Checker, Chess, and Poker. (If you didn't get it say it quickly to yourself)
Money isn't everything … unless you're playing in a rebuy tournament.
- Anonymous
Whats the difference between online poker and live poker? You can cry after a bad beat online and no one will laugh at you.
Poker is like sex... if you don't have a good partner you better have a good hand.
Poker is a lot like sex, everyone thinks they are the best, but most don't have a clue what they are doing.
- Dutch Boyd
Sign you might have a poker addiction: your kids are named check and raise.
Q: What is the biggest difference between a church and a poker room?
A: In a poker room, you really mean it when you pray!!
What are vampires playing poker for? High stakes.
Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards.
What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover? A rash of good luck
Even Your Poker Face Is Ugly
Poker has the only river in the world you can drown in more than once.
I am folding faster than superman on washing day.
What's the difference between a pizza and a poker player? One can feed a family of three.
Q: How can you get a professional poker player off your balcony?
A: Just pay him for the Pizza!
Q: How can you tell when a professional poker player is lying?
A: His chips are moving
Q: Did you hear about the Los Angeles local poker hand?
A: Its Four Clubs beat a King
There are TWO basic rules for winning in poker:
1. never tell anyone anything
What is Bill Clinton's favorite game? Poke-her.
What do you call a poker player without a girlfriend? Homeless.
What did the giraffe say to the tiger at the poker table?
Answer: I thought you were a cheetah.
Why didn't the elephant like to play poker in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
I couldn't hit a river if I fell out of the boat.
AK: Anna Kournikova. Looks great. Never wins.
AK: Anna Kournikovz. Looks great but doesn't win much.
My chip stack is up and down more than a hooker's panties.
Do you have blisters on your a**? Because that is one hot seat your in.
I hope you don't make love the way you play tournaments... all in and done in under a minute.
I've had more flushes sucked out of me than a public toilet.
There's more fish in here than Seaworld.
He folded like a K-Mart lawnchair.
I wouldn't wipe my a** with those cards if I was out of toilet paper.
Making that call qualifies you for the Special Olympics.
That isn't a hand, it's a height.
There's a reason you lie in poker... you can't always be the best player at the table.
Some cowboys were playing poker in an Old West saloon. One of them laid down the winning hand, and another jumped up, yelling, 'He's cheatin! He aint playin the cards I dealt him!'
A blond girl playing freeroll was taking her time and playing very slow. The timer was started and she still could not take a decision how to play the hand. Her friend asked her with surprise, 'What is going on? Why aren't you playing?' The blond girl replied, 'I am playing! I am just slow-playing aces!'
In a book store:
'I am looking for the book named 'How to win easily and fast with poker.'
Clerk says: 'Please check the science fiction section.'
Someone bets, say, $35. Some other guy, a player at the back of him will say, 'I was going to call $34, but $35 is just too much.'
Husband Comes Home After A Poker Game...
I came home from the pub four hours late last night. 'Where the fuck have you been?' screamed my wife.
I said, 'I've been playing poker with some blokes.'
'Playing poker with some blokes?' she repeated. 'Well, you can pack your bags and go!'
'So can you,' I said. 'This isn't our house anymore.'
What does 'a safe game at low limits' mean?
The wife of a doctor called the poker room to get her husband paged. They refused. The house doesn't make doctor calls.
May the flop be with you.
Doyle Brunson
In the poker game of life, women are the rake
- Worm (Ed Norton) in Rounders
Your best chance to get a Royal Flush in a casino is in the bathroom.
- V.P. Pappy
Last night I got thrown out of a casino… apparently I completely misunderstood the crap table.
If I didn't have bad luck I'd have no luck at all.
- Unknow Author
I can't even catch a cold.
I need a hand that doesn't look like a foot.
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
- Steven Wright
A faint heart never filled a spade flush.
- Anonymous
You played that hand like a vegan.
- Erick Lindgren to Daniel Negreanu
Dear Lord, help me to break even. I need the money.
-Anonymous
A king can do no wrong … unless it runs into an ace.
- Anonymous
A Smith & Wesson beats four Aces.
- Anonymous
Forgive your enemies but remember the bastard's name!
- Doyle Brunson
The poker pool could use a little chlorine.
- Doyle Brunson
In the long run there's no luck in poker, but the short run is longer than most people know.
- Rick Bennet
Trust everyone, but always cut the cards.
- Benny Binion
'When your opponent's sittin' there holdin' all the aces, there's only one thing to do: kick over the table.'
- Dean Martin
Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards.
- George Carlin
'Last year people won more than one billion dollars playing poker. And casinos made twenty-seven billion just by being around those people.'
— Samantha Bee
It's unlucky to be superstitious.
♣ Dave Enteles, Card Player
Forget about a chip and a chair; give me a hand and I'll stand.
- Warren Karp
All I know is, if the cards ever break even — I'm screwed.
- Rich Korbin
If the shoe fits, steal it.
- Lou Krieger
To be a poker champion, you must have a strong bladder.
- Jack McClelland
There is more to poker than life.
- Tom McEvoy
It's not whether you won or lost, but how many bad-beat stories you were able to tell.
- Grantland Rice, Sportswriter
They say poker is a zero-sum game. It must be, because every time I play my sum ends up zero.
- Max Shapiro
It never hurts for potential opponents to think you're more than a little stupid and can hardly count all the money in your hip pocket, much less hold on to it.
- Amarillo Slim
Old card players never die, they just shuffle away.
- Author Unknown
Put yourself in their shoes before you decide on the best way to take their shirts.
- David Sklansky
The only thing more profitable at a poker table than a man's ego is the rake.
- Tawnia
Omaha is a game that was invented by a Sadist and is played by Masochists.
- Shane Smith
Poker... I hardly even know her!
- Jack Styles
I must complain the cards are ill shuffled till I have a good hand.
- Jonathan Swift (1728)
Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit.
- R.E. Shay
After a donkey goes busted: 'He's in donkey heaven now.'
About a really bad player: 'Even a donkey would think he's a donkey.'
That isn't a hand, it's a height.
Directed at a tournament player constantly using their timebank...
'Come on ... I've seen continents drift faster than you play'
Let me put on my blindfold and we'll play pin the tail on the donkey.
I've folded more hands than an undertaker.
I've seen more rags than a janitor.
I don't have a straw long enough to suck out on you.
How do you get 80 nice old ladies to curse at the same time? Yell 'Bingo'.
A man joins Gamblers Anonymous. He's given three-to-one odds he won't make it.
Besides lovemaking and singing in the shower, there aren't many human activities where there is a greater difference between a person's self-delusional ability and actual ability than in poker.
-Anonymous
What do you call a Poker Player with half a brain? Gifted
What is poker hell like? A limit game at 9:00 AM.
Q: What does a poker player eat for dinner?
A: Whatever his comp card allows him to.
What does a poker player eat for dinner? Fish and Chips
What is a poker player's favorite food? Fish and Chips
I'm in Vegas last week and a guy is standing in front of the Shoe and he appears to be pan handling. I wander by and he say's to me 'Sir, my wife has died, but I need money to bury her. Can you help me out?' I get a bit huffy and say back to him 'Why should I give you money. You're just going to take it and go gambling!' He looks at me and says ' You got it all wrong, I've got gambling money!'
What's a poker dealer's favorite song? 'Everyday I'm shuffling'.
You can only play pocket jacks 3 ways, all of which are wrong.
LIFE IS LIKE POKER - If you don't have a big enough stack... No one really notices when you are all in
I bet you I could stop gambling.
Poker jokes are like butt cracks- everyone has one and they all stink.
Click Here for NoLuckNeeded.com's
collection of online gambling and online poker cartoons.
'Online Poker Player' From the Poker Players Alliance http://theppa.org/
'One in Seven' Gambling Joke Cartoon
'Sincere Prayer' Poker Joke Cartoon
Online Gambling Cartoon | Political Blunders in History
Cartoon
'Royal Flush'
Last edited by TDTAT on 15.01.2020, 12:02; edited 16 times in total
Casino Jokes
